Kim McLarin

I felt like I had to write or die. Writing was a way of imposing myself, of making a world that was hostile and wanted to render me invisible or dead acknowledge me and deal with me. It felt necessary, like breathing.

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sound bites

“Motherhood requires being present, being available, being self-sacrificing, and being a writer requires being by yourself.”

“Five years ago, I probably would have said I wasn’t as good a mother as I should have been. Now, in retrospect, I know not only was I the best mother I could have been, I was actually a pretty damn good mother.”-@kimmclarin

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“My main goal wasn’t to raise rock stars–it wasn’t to raise accomplished people–it was to raise caring human beings because there are so many uncaring ones. My other goal was to not lose myself in the process.”-@kimmclarin

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“I wasn’t sure I was going to have children, but I was a writer since I was 6. If you ask me to identify who I am, writer would be up there—far earlier than mother. I think about myself as a writer who has children.”-@kimmclarin

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“A writer’s job is to explore what it means to be human, so the more experiences I have about what it means to be human in all kinds of ways, then the more my writing is inevitably going to be enriched.”-@kimmclarin

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“Motherhood taught me about what it means to be human, about love, about self-sacrifice, about curiosity, about how little control we have. It enriched me as a human being, so it absolutely enriched my writing.”-@kimmclarin

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“It is a capitalist trap that you’re only as good as your latest product. My editor said you’re supposed to produce a novel every two years so you don’t lose your readership. That induced counterproductive anxiety. At the same time, it’s also true. The American public has a very short attention span.”

“I felt like I had to write or die. Writing was a way of imposing myself, making a world that was hostile and wanted to render me invisible or dead acknowledge me and deal with me. It felt necessary, like breathing.”-@kimmclarin

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“I don’t believe in writer’s block. I believe if it’s not coming, it just means you don’t know enough.”-@kimmclarin

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“I’ve seen cycle after cycle in this society of racial oppression and police brutality and white backlash—Black progress, white backlash, Black progress, white backlash. After you see a couple of those cycles, you start to understand, ‘Okay, this is America, this is the cycle.’ I guess it would take an act of faith greater than I have to believe that things will change. I always wrote with the belief that what I wrote mattered and would change things. I don’t believe it has changed anything, so then the question arises: Why keep writing?”

“Even if I never write another word, I’ve got a shelf full of books and a bunch of essays in magazines–but it becomes less vital. My identity as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as a person in community and in connection with other people—relationships become more important as I get older, understanding that our time on this Earth is limited. My books are either gonna go the way that most books go, into obscurity, or hopefully, as James Baldwin said, when it all comes to ruin, and the young people are digging in the rubble, looking for something to begin again, they’ll find my work and use it to begin again.”

“I think Black students of this generation came of age with an expectation of equality and justice that I didn’t come of age with. I think that actually makes it harder for them. I didn’t expect to be loved by America. Every place I’ve ever worked is a white space, but I never entered those spaces expecting to be welcomed and loved. People of my children’s and students’ age often do enter those spaces expecting to be welcomed and loved, and when they’re not, it is devastating in a way that it wasn’t personally devastating for me…. My mother taught me, ‘Don’t expect to be loved. You’re going to get your degree, and then you come home to be loved. Don’t expect to be loved there.’ I think we were protected in a way that this generation was not.”

“I think Black students of this generation came of age with an expectation of equality and justice that I didn’t. I didn’t expect to be loved by America. My mother taught me, ‘Get your degree, and then come home to be loved.'”-@kimmclarin

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“For me, writing is about being honest. In my essays about motherhood, I put down all my honest, conflicting feelings. If I’m not going to tell the truth, what’s the point in doing this?”-@kimmclarin

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“For those in the thick of motherhood, it can seem overwhelming. It’s important to say, ‘This too shall pass.’ That allows you to relax and enjoy where you are—and it is a joy and a privilege to raise these young people.”-@kimmclarin

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“Always save a part of yourself. It’s important for our kids, too–for our daughters–to see us not totally negate ourselves in the service of motherhood. It’s a gift to you and to your children. Save some for yourself.”-@kimmclarin

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